Post-Op Ponderings...

I saw a Zaxby's commercial yesterday and I think I cried. I miss food. I had nine months to learn how not to miss food, but I still miss food. I am able to eat more...yogurt, scrambled eggs, applesauce, grits, even refried beans and cheese but it doesn't taste like a chicken finger.

I can only eat about 6-7 baby spoonfuls of food. If I eat more than that, my tummy will hurt. I used to eat a large chicken finger platter with dessert. Used to. Never will again.

I did hear that I would "mourn" food. Mourn food? That sounded really silly to me. Yet, here I am, mourning food. Mourning the way stuffing myself in front of the TV would numb all my feelings, good and bad. Mourning the way it could make a bad day disappear. Mourning the way it would make a celebration that much more fun. Yes, I am mourning food.

Now I the fun part, I have to figure out what made me eat to numb feelings. That's hard. Once the pounds come off, the vulnerable part of me is revealed. She is coming whether I want her to or not. I have to deal with her. Head on. We have to become "friends" and figure out what makes her tick. Right now, we are kinda looking at each other from across the room. I guess I need to make the first move. Get to know this new person. After all, she is me.

Guess what Mark cooked for dinner last night? Chicken fingers. I just sat back and smiled at the 20 pounds I have lost. I did want to lick the air molecules, though.