Reconnecting

Hey folks...can't believe the last month has gone by so quickly. The summer is gone and school is about to start back. No, I don't have any kids going to school but it sure does make my commute MUCH longer. Not looking forward to having to get up earlier next week.

I have realized I have really been so disconnected...to friends, to family, to coworkers and the worst of all, to church. It all began last year when I sat back down in the pew after a song and it made this horrible cracking sound. I really thought I was about to end up on the floor. I was so mortified that I crawled into a very deep hole. I was there until this past summer. I would get up, go to work, go home, lay on the couch, go to bed and do it all again the next morning. On the weekends, I didn't leave the house. I just shut down. And I was indifferent, I didn't care. Didn't care to go anywhere, see anyone or even answer the phone. Many times, I didn't even want to pray. That meant I had to face reality.

After my surgery, I was hoping the low self-esteem I feel that fueled so much of this would start to fade away. I was praying I would feel more confident and realize where my true identity comes from. It's been slow, but it is finally getting better. The past six months, my prayer has been to move. I thought if I could start over somewhere else, start fresh and anew, that my life would be totally different. The disconnect I was feeling was mottled by discontent. I was ready to sell our house (which is in no condition to put on the market right now) and move! I kept praying for the Lord to ease my discontent, to be content in what He has provided for me; a wonderful husband, a family that loves me unconditionally, a job that I love and the best friends that I could have ever hoped for. So why did I have this unquenchable wanderlust?

The Lord was preparing me to move...just in His own way and in His own time.

I was approached by my supervisor about moving to work in another ministry area. I never saw it coming. As I sat in her office, it was like the door opened and I could see so far in the distance. Such a clear, beautiful path. A path the Lord had been preparing me for...a path He wanted me to take. So I did.

So on Monday, August 24th, I will be working in a new ministry area, two as a matter of fact. Missions and Ministries. I will be leaving the student ministry, a place where the last five years of my life I have lived and breathed this ministry. I still love the students, families and my coworkers. They are a part of my life that will never go away....but I am so excited about this new adventure the Lord has for me. I love the two ministers I will be working for. They are such men after God's own heart. I respect them both and I am thrilled to work with them. I would be lying if I didn't say I wasn't nervous though!

This was about being disconnected. I am happy-no, more like overjoyed-to say that I have spent the last month at every service the church has had. Last night, I was looking around and just feeling sorry for the ones that choose to stay home on Wednesdays--then I had to remind myself that I spent MANY Wednesdays at home. Moving back to the main building to a new ministry position is exactly what the Lord had planned for me all along. That disconnected feeling is fading more and more every day. I am so thankful.

I am going to be so plugged in, I am going to need a surge protector...

P.S. I have lost 109 pounds :)

Black Pants

The night before surgery, February 18th, 2009. Lucy had to be in the picture, too.

Taken June 29th, 2009. If you can't tell a difference, keep it to yourself. ;o)

Hiatus Over! I am back!

When I am overwhelmed, the last thing I want to do is write a blog. For some, that may be the opposite, for them writing is a release. I can't organize my thoughts when I am overwhelmed! Actually, I think I am still overwhelmed but just handling it better than I have the past two months.

Heard a great quote the other day and it got me thinking. "Don't make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs." Wow. How often do we do that? I know I am very guilty. It is in my nature for everyone to be happy. Even if it means forsaking my own. Not good. But, I learned something about myself. I can still go out of my way to help people because that brings me joy! However, I don't have to make their happiness consume every fiber of my being. If it doesn't bring me joy, it isn't worth it.

Ok, off the soapbox.

I am just finishing a plate of cheese. Cheese in any form has become an entire food group to me. I love it! It is easy to eat, full of protein and easy on Pete. I have nicknamed my pouch Pete. My goal is to make Pete happy at all times. Sometimes, he gets very unhappy and we he does that, we are both miserable.

I am beginning to see real changes in my appearance. We celebrated a dear friend's birthday last week and lots of pictures were taken. I always hated pictures and never wanted to look at them when we got them back, if I managed to even be in any of them. Usually I hide in the back...or run! Anyway, she sent me the pictures and I didn't hate looking at myself. I could really see the difference. It made my day.

My clothes are getting baggy, too. Some stuff I really shouldn't wear but I still find myself dragging the same baggy clothes out of the closet. I want to have a big bonfire in the fall and burn every pair of black pants that I own. The fire may last for days! I have a LOT of black pants. It's slimming you know. No one can tell you are obese when you wear black pants. Easily takes 100 pounds off of you. What? You didn't know that?

As of this morning, I have lost 97 pounds. 4 months and 16 days ago, my new life began. 97 pounds later, a new person is emerging. Or should I say a hidden person...she has always been there. Waiting for her chance to escape.

She has been fighting her way out of a big pair of black pants.

Welcome home, girl. Welcome home.

Where's the Beef?

On my plate! I added beef and pork to my expanding menu this week. I was so excited! I am SO TIRED OF CHICKEN! I felt like I was growing feathers out of my ears. I cooked fajitas Wednesday night with beef strips and they were so good. Thursday and Friday, I had leftover BBQ pork from Jim N Nick's. Oh boy was it good. Now I need to figure out some good, healthy recipes to incorporate my two "new" foods. Any ideas?

I also have started drinking V8. The spicy hot one! It is so yummy!

The past two weeks have been hard emotionally because of things going on at work but I will persevere. When I get upset, though, I don't eat or drink and I can't afford to do that now. Really don't want to get dehydrated. NOT GOOD!

Had my 2nd support group meeting Thursday and it was great catching up with all my buddies at Princeton. I really enjoy seeing everyone and hearing about everyone's progess. Through this surgery, I have made some wonderful life long friends. I am so grateful for them!

Oh...and I have lost 60 pounds now. :)

Minus 53

It is Easter afternoon and I am molded into the couch. It is cloudy outside (which should make me happy) but for some reason, I have the blahs. Probably because it is Sunday which means tomorrow is Monday which means work. Woo hoo!

I think I have a skin cancer place on my neck thanks to an example I saw in a magazine I was reading last night. That could also be contributing to the blahs. I am very nervous about it and know I need to go get it seen about ASAP. Sigh...

I did add two new foods to my very short list! Almonds and shrimp. I love them both! Almonds are such a good, crunchy snack for me and I will probably keep some in my purse all the time. Did you know that if you get stuck in line at Walgreen's that you can find the sleeves of almonds in all kinds of flavors? I got vinegar and salt. Oh my. They were so good and I got my craving satisfied for that salty, savory chip I had been missing. They also have smokehouse and chili-lime. Yum.

I ate four shrimp tonight for dinner. And I mean shrimpy shrimp. Not the jumbo ones that look like a lobster tail! I can't believe how full I get. Last night, we were out running errands and we got some chicken mcnuggets to share. I ate two. I used to eat ten. Yeah, big difference.

On another note, I am going to begin the training to become a medical transcriptionist. One of my friends I went to high school with has been doing it for 10 years. After we became friends again through Facebook, I saw on her profile that she does this full time and also has her own training program. To make a long story short, as of last Saturday, me and three friends of mine signed up. I am so excited! I got my first book yesterday. Will start studying tomorrow! I want to make supplemental income and eventually be able to stay home and do this full time. That will be a little while, though.

So to explain the title if I need to, I am down 53 pounds. I am happy with the weight loss since it has only been two months. I can begin to tell a difference in my clothes but still have a long way to go. Taking it one day at a time!

Thanks for reading!

My New World is Overwhelming

So now that six weeks has passed, I can eat anything..well, except citrus (too acidic), sugar (can't digest well) and soda. So why am I still eating the same things? I am afraid to branch out? Some people have trouble with red meat and pork so I haven't tried those yet. I don't want to get sick but I won't ever know if I don't try them. I grilled chicken Friday night and ate maybe 5 bites and probably should have eaten only 4. Eating is just not fun anymore-it won't always be this way. Eventually I will get to eat a little more and also eat more of a variety. Eating is just work now! Before I ate whatever was in front of me without giving it a second thought. Now, I have to think and plan my meals. Maybe if I had been doing that before, I wouldn't have had to have gastric bypass surgery! :)

I just made some sugar free fudge. I had a small taste off the beaters and it wasn't too bad but wasn't something I would crave by any means.

I am just blah today. Don't get me wrong, I sure don't regret having the surgery. Having to work through establishing a new routine is so worth the 49 pounds I have lost. I wouldn't go back and change one thing!

Thanks for reading...I appreciate all of you!

May I decrease as He increases...

37 Days

Yep...it's been 37 days since I had surgery. I have been on the same diet for over a week now. I go to my lifetime maintenance diet next Friday-the 6 week mark. So strange to think about. I have really been on a crash course of a new life. Started out on liquids, then mushy foods, then solid foods, then meat...and next week, raw veggies and fruit. From infancy to adulthood. All in six weeks.

I have been feeling good-still get a little tired every now and then. I just have to remember to take my vitamins that are to be a part of my life forever. I have SEVEN I have to take every day. They are all chewable and thankfully they don't taste bad.

I get to start using my Curves membership after the six weeks mark. I am excited about getting to exercise. Did I really just say that?!?! I haven't been doing any exercise (I should have been walking) but I haven't made time for it. Not good-I need to schedule exercise in my day like I do anything else.

If you know anyone thinking about having this surgery or is already scheduled, send them here. They can leave me a comment and I can send them my email address. I want to help others who want, or already are, taking this same journey.

Love to you all!