Sunday, November 7, 2010

Coming into my own...

Still not sure exactly what that is, but I know I am not the same person I was a year ago, or even a month ago. I have lost about 30 pounds since I went to Spain. Every time I have traveled somewhere, I have come home lighter. Can't put my finger on it, but I guess I ate better and wasn't sitting behind a desk all day.

I have lost 221 pounds. More than most of my guy friends weigh. I haven't worn the size I am in right now since I was in high school. I am actually starting to feel good about myself, first time I have ever given myself the right to do that. How sad. Just happy I found out I am worth it before it was too late. Still young in the scheme of things to be miserable and feel so unworthy.

Never thought having gastric bypass surgery would change my life the way it has. Yes, I knew it was a wonderful thing, a tool to help me be a healthier person, but I just didn't realize it would change much more of me on the inside than it has on the outside. I still have moments of crippling self-esteem issues, but they are fewer and farther between now. Still have to convince myself that I do deserve to be happy, that life is mine to embrace. Tall orders from a self-proclaimed hermit/couch potato.

Exercise is my new best friend. Who would have thought the same girl who struggled to walk up the basement stairs from the garage in her own home would be walking 5 or 6 miles now? I love how it makes me feel. Never ever thought those words would exit my mouth. My friend and I just signed up for a half marathon in March. Never thought I would ever do something like that! We are so excited. Plan on walking most of it, and it doesn't hurt that it is in Seaside of all places-who woudn't want to walk along scenic 30-A along the coast-but just glad to think of ourselves as strong enough to accomplish 13.1 miles. Got to start training soon...March will be here before we know it.

Lots going on in my life right now...a little bit of good, little bit of stress and some contentment all rolled into one. Just glad I am in a better place to deal with whatever comes my way.