Post-Op Ponderings...

I saw a Zaxby's commercial yesterday and I think I cried. I miss food. I had nine months to learn how not to miss food, but I still miss food. I am able to eat more...yogurt, scrambled eggs, applesauce, grits, even refried beans and cheese but it doesn't taste like a chicken finger.

I can only eat about 6-7 baby spoonfuls of food. If I eat more than that, my tummy will hurt. I used to eat a large chicken finger platter with dessert. Used to. Never will again.

I did hear that I would "mourn" food. Mourn food? That sounded really silly to me. Yet, here I am, mourning food. Mourning the way stuffing myself in front of the TV would numb all my feelings, good and bad. Mourning the way it could make a bad day disappear. Mourning the way it would make a celebration that much more fun. Yes, I am mourning food.

Now I the fun part, I have to figure out what made me eat to numb feelings. That's hard. Once the pounds come off, the vulnerable part of me is revealed. She is coming whether I want her to or not. I have to deal with her. Head on. We have to become "friends" and figure out what makes her tick. Right now, we are kinda looking at each other from across the room. I guess I need to make the first move. Get to know this new person. After all, she is me.

Guess what Mark cooked for dinner last night? Chicken fingers. I just sat back and smiled at the 20 pounds I have lost. I did want to lick the air molecules, though.

Surgery Diary

One week ago today, I was waking up in recovery begging for pain and nausea medication. I never got sick but I sure felt like I would. After my wonderful nurse got everything under control, I just lay there with a damp, cool washcloth on my face, listening to the busy sounds of the post op recovery sounds all around me. My abdomen HURT but thank goodness for whatever they were giving me.

I didn't get moved to SICU until around 3 pm. I had only seen my parents for two seconds-I got called back that morning before they even got there so I didn't see them before the surgery. They paraded them back to recovery only because we have a good friend who is a surgeon at Princeton. Once I got to SICU, I was so happy to see my family. BUT I WAS SO THIRSTY! They wouldn't even let me have so much as an ice chip. My throat hurt and it was so dry! I got these pitiful little sponges to dampen my mouth. They helped but oh my goodness I wanted a big gulp soda like the bass drum carrier at July band practice.

I had great nurses in SICU-both male! If I even glanced their direction, they wanted to know what I needed. I had a restless night and after a 5 am lap around the floor, I waited anxiously for my contrast swallow test that would open the world of having something to drink!

At 7:30 am, they came and got me for the test. As horrible as the contrast tasted, a-it was cold and b-it was liquid so therefore it was like manna from heaven!! When I got back up to the room, I asked for liquid refreshment. They brought me a cup of water, except the cup was something the size of the medicine cup you get off the top of the Pepto Bismol bottle. And get this, I could have ONE of those every two hours. I got the first one down in no time. Ahhhh, was that good. Every two hours, I waited anxiously for my "shot" of water.

I got moved to a regular room around 1 pm. The first thing they did was bring me a bottle of Crystal Light and some tiny ice cubes. I loved those ice cubes and CL Raspberry Ice will go down in the history books as being the best thing I have ever tasted since my mouth had been on a drought.

Friday afternoon was wonderful...after I could drink again, I felt like a new woman! I had lots of visitors and they could come and go as they pleased, not hindered by the strict time table of SICU. I was feeling good, actually felt like talking and hated to see everyone go. I slept well and before I knew it, morning had arrived and when Dr. Smith came and pulled the drain out (that was 2 seconds I would rather not think about again), he told me I could go home. Oh, and Saturday I could have TWO medicine cups of liquids every two hours. That was like hearing I had won a million dollars.

After a little mixup with dr's orders and a nurse who hadn't read my chart, my IV came out and 10:30 and she said I could get dressed and call my ride! WOO HOO! Home. Dad came to get me since Mark was working and after a stop at Sloss to see the old train at the Fairgrounds being moved (Don't ask, I really did want to see it) we picked my mom up and headed to my house. Mom worked all afternoon cleaning and straightening and dad blew leaves out of the yard. I have groovy parents.

Our sweet Sunday School teacher brought dinner over so while I enjoyed my Crystal Light-2 little cups in case you have forgotten-my parents, sister and Mark all enjoyed a delicious dinner. A knock at the door around 7 pm brought in my sister in law and brother in law! I was so excited! After a wonderful visit with everyone, I got to bed, after a dose of narcotics, and fitfully slept.

Since Sunday, I have been doing better with each hour that passes! I had scrambled eggs Sunday night. I was scared to death to eat them but oh my, they were wonderful and didn't upset my newly created "pouch." I got my staples out yesterday and last night, I slept like a baby. Ahhhh....

Your prayers were felt. Oh my were they felt.

Two More Days...

I sure haven't been on here very much! Too much going on.

I have been on a liquid diet for a week and I could gnaw my arm off. I am not really hungry but there are some things I just WANT like Zaxby's chicken fingers and a cheesy pizza. Sigh....I will be so ready to eat again, even if it is pureed chicken.

In two days, I am having a life changing surgery. I am ready. Past ready. I have met people along the way on this journey that are going to be life long friends. Two Susans and a Michele. Susan has had it before and not only has she been a wonderful wealth of information, she is a sweetheart and we have a lot in common. Michele has also had it and runs a support group I will be going to monthly. Another Susan I just met tonight over the phone and we are both having the same surgery at Princeton Thursday, same surgeon. I look forward to walking the halls with her! She is a hoot! I am so thankful for these new friends. When people have been on the same journey you are on, it sure does help.

I will be home a couple of weeks so I plan on trying to blog some more!

Love and hugs, friends!