Ramblings...

So I have been back from Spain a couple of weeks now. Trying to settle back in to "real" life. The mission trip was the most amazing experience I have ever had. I can't wait to go back. I miss those kiddos like you wouldn't believe. And we all lost weight while we were there. I lost 11 pounds! Lost a few more when I got home and have now lost 201 pounds. Yeah. Crazy.

I wish I could talk more about Spain and our work there but I can't say much due to security issues, including our exact location. We did a 6 day English camp in a small village and even got to attend the village's Fiesta (much like Carnivale in South America but a much smaller scale) and we saw so many of our kids and they were thrilled to see us. We even did a traditional circle dance that was the pinnacle of that night. I have never felt joy like I did that night. Magical.

Decided to do a list--you learn a lot about people when you spend 14 days with them!

Things I Learned on My Trip

• The seats on the plane in front of bulkhead don't recline
• Always get pasta on the plane
• Rugged, comfy sandals leave weird tan lines
• You get sun even with SPF 70
• Spain doesn't like to let cats fly to the US
• Some people can't eat with their glasses on
• I took 3000 pictures
• I can do a devotion in front of 7 other people
• Round abouts...you either love them or hate them
• Spain has amazing pizza
• Futbol fans are a little maniacal
• I bought a Espania futbol shirt
• I can sleep just about anywhere
• I can do without TV for 14 days
• I can't do without email, Facebook, or Twitter for 14 days
• Loved Skype. What an awesome way to communicate.
• Even the world's busiest airports are deserted at 1 am
• A/C? In Europe? What's that?
• All the A/C units must be with all the escalators somewhere
• 14 days with 5 other people. If I didn't love them before, I can't help but to love them now.
• I don't speak Spanish
• The kids for the most part didn't speak English
• And it didn't matter--smiles and hugs don't need a translator
• Don't look in the shot glass at a Chinese buffet
• I wish I was there now
• I can't WAIT to go back
• I feel like I left my family behind
• Praising God for such a life-changing opportunity to serve alongside some amazing people
• Rocks weigh a lot
• So does chocolate

My heart is still in Spain. I tear up every time I think about it. I will never be the same!

I've Done a 180...

Yeah, I have done a 180.

Exciting.

I have officially lost 180 pounds.

I know grown men who don't even weigh that much.

Maybe I should find one and try to carry him around on my back all day.

Then I could really see (and feel) the magnitude of what I have lost.

Thankful for being given this gift.

Just plain thankful.

Surely it hasn't been that long...

Yikes! I can't believe I hadn't written since August. I guess that is a testament to how busy my life has been since then.

I did get moved over to my new position at the church and I think I am finally getting settled. I felt like I was brand new, that I had just started at the church. I was doing two totally different jobs and I won't sugarcoat anything...it was a rough few months! I had all these new responsibilities that really stressed me out. I still love my job and I love the guys I get to work with everyday. I love being back over at the main building, though I sure miss my youth buds. Makes it more special when I do see them though.

I had really come close to losing some friendships due to me not putting anything into them. I am happy to say that that isn't true anymore! I have had so much fun getting to know all these folks again and getting to hang out with them.

Still working on the house...will it ever be finished?!? Doesn't seem like it. The list seems to get longer and longer.

I celebrated my "surgiversary" on February 19th. I can't believe it has been over a year since I had my surgery. I am glad to be 176 pounds lighter. Still have a ways to go but I am so glad to have come this far. I have discovered I have no spring clothes. Time to hit the thrift store. I am so blessed with wonderful friends who spent this year encouraging me, loving me and giving me hugs and pats on the back...I couldn't have done it without y'all! I went back through all my emails from that time around my surgery and I just sat at my desk and cried. It was overwhelming. I am going to try to upload some pictures...

March 12, 2010

February 18, 2009...Night before surgery

I was so miserable. Inside and out. Now I am within 5 pounds of the weight on my driver's license! :o Now I have to get ready to bed since daylight saving's time is kicking my tail. I HATE it.

Peace out, bro.

Good Times

We celebrated my sister's birthday last night...had a wonderful time. I have been trying to get them to eat with us at Fox Valley for years and we just never made it happen. This year, Alison mentioned going so I got us all together to go for her birthday. Mom and Alison, who aren't big seafood eaters, trusted my judgement on Fox Valley's famous crab cakes and ordered steak and cake. Dad loves crab cakes so I knew he would love them. Well, they all cleaned their plates. Alison was even trying to get to the sauce on my plate! If you haven't been to Fox Valley, I highly recommend it. A great date place since it's a tad pricey. Everything you put in your mouth makes your eyes roll back in your head. It is that good. I went with one of my best friends right before I had surgery as my "last meal" and I think I ate enough for three people. I have had just a crab cake since and did very well with it so that is what I ordered last night. Delish. Anyway, I will now get off my shameless plug soapbox.

We all came back to our house to open presents and play some Wii. Alison brought her controllers so we could easily play with four people. Dad wanted to watch so mom, Alison, Mark and I started a game of bowling. I have done well with bowling until last night and I stank! Mom was hysterical. She never really learned the technique but it didn't matter since SHE BEAT ALL OF US! I wish I had a video of her bowling. I came in 2nd, Mark 3rd (so he still has yet to beat me) and the birthday girl was last. Dad took Alison's place in the 2nd game and mom was determined to beat him! She is so competitive but won't admit it. I did better the 2nd game and actually won, mom came in 2nd and I don't remember who came in last. We had so much fun! Alison and I decided to play tennis and she smoked me. Twice. We had some good matches though. One lasted forever. We are pretty evenly matched. Wish we could play more often!

I am so blessed to have my family so close. Mark's family isn't too far away either and I wish we saw them more than we do. I don't know what I would do without our families. I hear so many sad stories of estranged families and I am so thankful we both have parents and siblings that are such a huge part of our lives.

I know I talked about moving in my last post...and I still want to! We are trying hard to get our house ready to put on the market. It still needs so much work but Mark and dad have worked hard to get it to where it is now. New floors, paint and light fixtures have already brought it into the 21st century! We just got vinyl siding and new windows and it has really added a lot of curb appeal. Still have tons to do, though. Hoping the housing market will pick back up. I want to live on some land which means moving north of town. We will be closer to both our families so I am hoping we can make that happen in the next couple of years. I really want a garden--I love fresh vegetables and I would love to spend summers canning veggies and fruit preserves to enjoy throughout the year. I inherited that from my grandmother. We canned many jars of tomatoes when I was growing up. I miss those days! I gave Alison my last jar of pear preserves I made last year and she proclaimed them as liquid gold. Made me feel like a million dollars! I made four jars of peach preserves earlier this week and it really got me in the mood to can some more stuff. The pears on our (neighbor's) pear tree are ready so I think I will tackle that soon!

But for now, time to relax and enjoy my Saturday...hope everyone has a great rest of the weekend!

Reconnecting

Hey folks...can't believe the last month has gone by so quickly. The summer is gone and school is about to start back. No, I don't have any kids going to school but it sure does make my commute MUCH longer. Not looking forward to having to get up earlier next week.

I have realized I have really been so disconnected...to friends, to family, to coworkers and the worst of all, to church. It all began last year when I sat back down in the pew after a song and it made this horrible cracking sound. I really thought I was about to end up on the floor. I was so mortified that I crawled into a very deep hole. I was there until this past summer. I would get up, go to work, go home, lay on the couch, go to bed and do it all again the next morning. On the weekends, I didn't leave the house. I just shut down. And I was indifferent, I didn't care. Didn't care to go anywhere, see anyone or even answer the phone. Many times, I didn't even want to pray. That meant I had to face reality.

After my surgery, I was hoping the low self-esteem I feel that fueled so much of this would start to fade away. I was praying I would feel more confident and realize where my true identity comes from. It's been slow, but it is finally getting better. The past six months, my prayer has been to move. I thought if I could start over somewhere else, start fresh and anew, that my life would be totally different. The disconnect I was feeling was mottled by discontent. I was ready to sell our house (which is in no condition to put on the market right now) and move! I kept praying for the Lord to ease my discontent, to be content in what He has provided for me; a wonderful husband, a family that loves me unconditionally, a job that I love and the best friends that I could have ever hoped for. So why did I have this unquenchable wanderlust?

The Lord was preparing me to move...just in His own way and in His own time.

I was approached by my supervisor about moving to work in another ministry area. I never saw it coming. As I sat in her office, it was like the door opened and I could see so far in the distance. Such a clear, beautiful path. A path the Lord had been preparing me for...a path He wanted me to take. So I did.

So on Monday, August 24th, I will be working in a new ministry area, two as a matter of fact. Missions and Ministries. I will be leaving the student ministry, a place where the last five years of my life I have lived and breathed this ministry. I still love the students, families and my coworkers. They are a part of my life that will never go away....but I am so excited about this new adventure the Lord has for me. I love the two ministers I will be working for. They are such men after God's own heart. I respect them both and I am thrilled to work with them. I would be lying if I didn't say I wasn't nervous though!

This was about being disconnected. I am happy-no, more like overjoyed-to say that I have spent the last month at every service the church has had. Last night, I was looking around and just feeling sorry for the ones that choose to stay home on Wednesdays--then I had to remind myself that I spent MANY Wednesdays at home. Moving back to the main building to a new ministry position is exactly what the Lord had planned for me all along. That disconnected feeling is fading more and more every day. I am so thankful.

I am going to be so plugged in, I am going to need a surge protector...

P.S. I have lost 109 pounds :)

Black Pants

The night before surgery, February 18th, 2009. Lucy had to be in the picture, too.

Taken June 29th, 2009. If you can't tell a difference, keep it to yourself. ;o)

Hiatus Over! I am back!

When I am overwhelmed, the last thing I want to do is write a blog. For some, that may be the opposite, for them writing is a release. I can't organize my thoughts when I am overwhelmed! Actually, I think I am still overwhelmed but just handling it better than I have the past two months.

Heard a great quote the other day and it got me thinking. "Don't make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs." Wow. How often do we do that? I know I am very guilty. It is in my nature for everyone to be happy. Even if it means forsaking my own. Not good. But, I learned something about myself. I can still go out of my way to help people because that brings me joy! However, I don't have to make their happiness consume every fiber of my being. If it doesn't bring me joy, it isn't worth it.

Ok, off the soapbox.

I am just finishing a plate of cheese. Cheese in any form has become an entire food group to me. I love it! It is easy to eat, full of protein and easy on Pete. I have nicknamed my pouch Pete. My goal is to make Pete happy at all times. Sometimes, he gets very unhappy and we he does that, we are both miserable.

I am beginning to see real changes in my appearance. We celebrated a dear friend's birthday last week and lots of pictures were taken. I always hated pictures and never wanted to look at them when we got them back, if I managed to even be in any of them. Usually I hide in the back...or run! Anyway, she sent me the pictures and I didn't hate looking at myself. I could really see the difference. It made my day.

My clothes are getting baggy, too. Some stuff I really shouldn't wear but I still find myself dragging the same baggy clothes out of the closet. I want to have a big bonfire in the fall and burn every pair of black pants that I own. The fire may last for days! I have a LOT of black pants. It's slimming you know. No one can tell you are obese when you wear black pants. Easily takes 100 pounds off of you. What? You didn't know that?

As of this morning, I have lost 97 pounds. 4 months and 16 days ago, my new life began. 97 pounds later, a new person is emerging. Or should I say a hidden person...she has always been there. Waiting for her chance to escape.

She has been fighting her way out of a big pair of black pants.

Welcome home, girl. Welcome home.